dating · Dating apps · One night stand · Online dating · Relationship advice · sex · tinder

My Tinder Goal: Have sex with 1,000 Tinder matches ๐Ÿ˜ฌ…sorry mom..

image

I’m actually working on a book about my Tinder experiences . My goal is to have sex with 1,000 men I meet on Tinder.

So far I’m just at 73 Tinder one night stands, so I have a lot of swiping to do to hit my goal….I might have to have a thumb replacement surgery once this slutty journey comes to its final conclusion๐Ÿค”

My plan so far is to only have sex with men that are visiting my city and staying in hotels. This allows me to tell my friends which hotels, and room numbers, where I’ll be meeting my Tinder matches.

I also send my friends the cell number and a screenshot of my Tinder match profile pics.

So if any of you matches are planning on murdering me watch out, you’ll get caught before my body goes cold ๐Ÿ˜•

Wow that sounds really horrible, but you gotta be safe when meeting complete strangers for a one night stand.

Also, I don’t want to sleep with 1,000 men who live in my city. Too many guys might begin stalking me.

So only sleeping with Tinder matches that are on business trips or on vacations if you’re ever planning on being a Tinder hoe.

Wow, again this journey is starting to sound like a bad idea๐Ÿค”

Anyone reading this probably thinks that I have a serious sex addiction…and I probably do. But I practice safe sex and fully examine all the men I sleep with…they don’t realize, or just don’t care, that I’m examining their balls and rods…guys will have sex with anyone that comes to their hotel room.

I encourage anyone that sleeps around as much as I do to always practice safe sex. It’s really not that difficult to keep yourself healthy.

And never, ever, no matter what, let a Tinder match go raw dog in you unless he asks you very politely.

I’m kidding, always make sure to wrap up any, and all, Tinder boners that are about to say hello to your female parts.

Blow jobs · dating · sex · sex advice

This is how to make semen taste really delicious ๐Ÿ˜˜๐Ÿ†

image

Love giving head but hate swallowing the load? Guys, do you want your woman to swallow your load everytime?

Okay, so I really love giving head, but I love tasting and swallowing cum more than sucking on an erection . But I get it that most women arenโ€™t fans of “swallowing”. Maybe it’s the texture, maybe it’s the taste, maybe you’re not sure if it’s safeโ€ฆbut trust me, you can’t get pregnant by “swallowing”.

Now, texture of semen can’t be changed, but the taste of semen can be helped if you get your man to do the following:

1.) Stop smoking cigarettes. Smoking can make spunk taste grody to the max.

2.) Alcohol helps with getting the courage to place a huge penis in your mouth, but alcohol will make your man’s giant weiner blow out some funky tasting jizz. So don’t eat a load a day after a night of heavy drinking.

3.) Make him eat some celery. Celery is high in water and vitamin C and can clear the semen of what might be making his celery stick juice taste nasty.

4.) Smoking weed will not only get your lover high, it will also make his cum taste like a glass of crap.

5.) No more Starbuck runs. His coffee with cream is making the cream in his penis taste like sour milk in your mouth. So cut out coffee and even caffeine.

6.) Cut out dairy! Milk might do a body good, but it makes creamy jizz taste like a bag of hot farts.

7.) Drink cranberry juice. This will balance pH levels and will make you want to drink a glass full of his semen if you’re extremely thirsty…okay, a glass of even the tastiest semen will not go down well, but cranberry juice really does help!

8.) Cut out red meat. Steaks taste great, but the jizz blasting into your mouth from his meat bone will make you want to spit out his load just as fast as he exploded it into your mouth.

9.) Avoid these vegetable please: cauliflower and cabbage. Not only will his cum taste like dead fish guts, but will also make him blast out some nasty farts. Kill two birds with one stone!

10.) Cut out fast food. An Inn-And-Out burger will sour the ketchup coming out of his French fry!

11.) Eat lots of asparagus! I’m totally kidding here. We all know that asparagus will make any load taste worse than a hot bowl of turd shanks. PLEASE know that I’m kidding here. NO ASPARAGUS EVER!!!

As soon as your man makes these changes you will be more than happy sucking down every single drop of your man’s love juice.

Have fun having fun please!

Anal sex · dating · Relationship advice · sex advice

Help me figure out an anal sex strategy please ๐Ÿ˜ฎ

image

Okay, I’m going to try anal sex one more time Monday night with a guy I met at a swinger’s party. But I have been doing my research as any good slut should do, and I think I made a mistake last night by not using enough lube.

If anyone has some advice other than using 10 barrels of lube when having anal sex, then please feel free to let me know because I really want to have a spectacular anal sex experience.

I heard anal beads and butt plugs may also be helpful in getting me in the mood. I am desperate here people ๐Ÿ˜ฎ

dating · Dating apps · Relationship advice · Selfies · sex

Chicks hate “dick-pics” ๐Ÿ“ธ๐Ÿ†

image

Okay gentlemen, just because a woman “matches” with you on Tinder, Bumble, or any other dating site/app does not mean it’s an open invitation to send her a “dick-pic”.

First off, penis pictures do not get chicks wet, and they’ll just think you’re a creep.

Also, don’t send too many shirtless selfies, and by too many I mean not even 1.

Shirtless selfies can really dry out a perfectly wonderful vagina.

Chicks can send men selfies of anything because we know it’ll get you hard….but please, I beg of you for all of the women in the world, we DON’T want the favor returned.

If you want to get laid from a dating app or dating site, just don’t be creepy. Pretty simple.

I’ll blow most guys I meet on dating apps just if they’re nice.

I hope this piece of advice helps you guys get laid…or at least a blow job ๐Ÿ’‹

 

 

dating · Dating apps · Relationship advice · sex advice · Swinger's party

Swinger’s Party Tip: Don’t get drunk at the party…

image

Okay, it’s natural to be very nervous the first few times you attend a swinger’s party, or any swinger’s function in general.

Many newbies tend to drink a few too many cocktails to help with their nerves.

Please limit your alcohol consumption to 3 drinks or less ๐Ÿท๐Ÿพ๐Ÿบ

No swinger one wants to give a drunk guy a blow job…. I actually only allow newbies to have their way with me if they’re sober.

Every swinger you meet was a newbie at one point, and they understand how you’re feeling

Finally, you don’t want to gain a bad reputation as a drunk a-hole in the swinger community.

Try to be yourself and you’ll have the most fun.

Well I gotta end this post now, I’m heading to Orange County for a swinger’s party and I’m hoping to win the Blow Job contest again! The winner gets a cute t-shirt ๐Ÿ’‹

ย 

ย Click here to go to a swinger’s party!

Anal sex · dating · Dating apps · Relationship advice · sex advice

So I finally tried anal sex last night…not a fan ๐Ÿ‘๐Ÿ†๐Ÿ˜•

image

(Wow my booty looks cute in this pic๐Ÿ˜€)

I can’t imagine anyone who loves sex as much as I do. For crying out loud I’ve slept with 12 men and 12 women in one night at a swinger’s party two months ago….but I guess anal sex just ain’t this gal’s cup of tea.

My best friend Karen for over a year now has been telling me how wonderful her boyfriend is at banging her booty. So after a few months of her begging me to let her boyfriend do me anally, I finally gave in last night and let him do to me what she says he does best.

Oh, and let me admit right now that I’m typing this standing up ๐Ÿ˜•

I wanted to give it a fair shot, so Karen and I gave her BF a double BJ, he then performed anal on her first while she was going down on me, and then when I was extremely in the mood I let him give it to me where the sun don’t shine so brightly.

It didn’t really hurt at first, more so a couple hours after, but it just doesn’t stimulate me sexually as I thought it would have.

I’m glad I tried it though, and now I know I really don’t think I’ll be doing it ever again.

With all this said, I urge all women to give it a shot. You’ll never know what you don’t like unless you order something different from the menu every now and again.

I really hope my mom doesn’t read this ๐Ÿ˜•

Android apps · dating · Dating apps · iPhone apps · Relationship advice

Ladies, please stop telling guys “no hook ups” in your bio๐Ÿ˜•

imageI have a quick tip for ladies that are using dating apps and dating sites to meet men….STOP TELLING GUYS THAT YOU AREN’T LOOKING FOR A HOOK UP IN YOUR BIO!!!

You don’t have to have sex with guys you meet on dating apps or sites…but when you tell them right off the bat that they aren’t going to get laid they’ll think you’re a prude.

It also makes you look no fun. Just leave it out. You don’t have to sleep with anyone you don’t want to. I have a lot of sex with guys I meet on these apps because I choose to. But go out on a date with someone you match with before you make any decisions.

A good bio should be one sentence and not a paragraph.

Something like this “Ask me out and I might say yes”

That’s all you need. You’ll match with the same guys no matter what your bio says.

Plus, guys want sex with everyone…they can’t help it.